Karla’s Korner: Reflections

Reflections, Life Lessons and a Promise Kept…

He was a relatively small man, bald and not a tooth in his head. With his dark rimmed glasses, painters hat and carpenters pants he shuffled along in his own slow gimpish little way. As a young child I never realized that his drinking was as severe as it was; that came years later. There was always a lit cigarette in his hand or within reach, often times lighting one right after another in between the many cups of coffee he consumed every day. He could be found most days sitting at the kitchen table with a halo of smoke over his head stirring the sugar laden cup filled with liquid caffeine. He was rough, crude, opinionated, hard headed and in his own way a loving old soul who didn’t give a damn about political correctness. He was my grandfather.

Growing up on a farm required everyone to work. There were animals to feed, corn to shuck, poop to scoop, eggs to gather, gardens to weed, grass to mow and chores to be done every day. During that time I thought it was an unfair tough way to live and now 47 years later I am grateful for the lessons and life skills learned and for the 14 years I shared with the old fella I called Granddaddy. Going through those times I didn’t realize what an impact he would have on my life as an adult; the memories, the emotions, the addictive behaviors. I share these thoughts not to point out the negatives rather the lessons learned 32 years after his death. You see, quite often Granddaddy would stagger into whatever event we were having and nobody really noticed. It was just his way; it was part of who he was. He worked hard as a seasoned carpenter and needed to unwind I guess, so he was left alone; there was no intervention. He would not stand for it anyway; he was fine. To him life was hard work, home cooking, a coffee pot, pack of cigarettes and a bottle hidden somewhere out of sight. I remember when I had grown taller than him and could rub the top of his bald head. He would laugh and hug me tight and remind me he could still “whip my tail”; he never did.

Thumbing through old photographs recently I found just the few that I have of him and my grandmother I realize that there are none of us together. What a shame that that piece of life wasn’t documented more fully. There’s no turning back, no re-do’s only the memories tucked away in the corners of my mind and heart. It was Christmas 1982; he was happy, loud, full of life and sober. He promised me that day that he was going to “work on it” and that he “was going to try not to drink again”. Two days later after working with my uncle he hopped in his old truck, pushed in the clutched, had a heart attack and died; alone in the truck. Flash forward to life in the present day and I hold onto that Christmas promise and know deep within my own soul that he kept it. He didn’t drink again and he died sober; a promise kept.
Society today is more open to discuss, share and seek assistance in recovery from addiction than ever before. Resources are more available to families to assist loved ones in beating the odds and winning the battle with whatever addictions that have them in a death grip. For me, Granddaddy is a focal point, an example that addiction can affect anyone and everyone. Addiction is not gender specific nor does it afflict a particular race or socioeconomic class. Addiction (of any kind) is an equal opportunity affliction that can be battled and beat with hard work, focus and support. Granddaddy, I think beat his addiction. He won the ultimate fight and with those two days of sobriety he left this world a better man.

An old Cherokee Indian story tells of a grandfather sharing a story of the battle we fight within ourselves with his grandson. He explains to the boy that the battle is like two wolves that reside within each of us. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment Inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego. The other he says is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.” Pondering for a while the grandson questions his grandfather asking “which one wins?” The wise old Cherokee replies simply “The one you feed”.

If you or someone you love is battling an addiction I encourage you to reach out and work together toward winning the battle. I believe that it’s necessary to be open, honest and vulnerable with one another. It is that vulnerability that will allow healing to begin and life to be lived fully. For me, I am grateful for the example my Granddaddy is to my own personal story. For him the battle raged until the end but it’s not necessary for those who follow in his footsteps to battle endlessly. And like the old Cherokee story the winner of the battle depends on which wolf you choose to feed.

Peace,
Karla

I am proud to introduce a new column to Madame Deals! I think we all need a touch point a place we can go to be inspired. Karla is my children’s teacher, a good friend, and a person with a heart of gold. I hope that her words will inspire you to do more. We are only as good as the people we surround ourselves with. It is important to listen with your heart and proceed with your eyes open. Enjoy!

Read more Karla’s Korner , also please visit Karla’s Lifetime Moms page and read her articles.

Check out Karla’s 24 Day Advocare Challenge updates!