The Reality of Judgment

The Reality of Judgment: Fear of Being Different

Walking into the local grocery store I follow a twenty-something young woman dressed in a leather jacket and knit hat. It’s winter and I find myself wishing I could pull off wearing a hat like that; maybe I could. Walking past the deli I notice a familiar face and as I prepare to smile and acknowledge the acquaintance and her husband I nearly stop in my tracks as the rolls her eyes, gets her husband’s attention, points at the young woman ahead of me and begins talking about her. What was it about the young woman that made her find it necessary to gossip? Was it the leather jacket? Was it the knit cap? Was it the fact that she wasn’t dressed in conventional female attire? Choosing not to approach I will never know the answer but it was apparent that something set the young woman apart. That something I believe was not the young woman minding her business and shopping rather the deli dweller who found fault in the young woman. She chose to openly judge her based on what I believe are prejudices. I wish I would have approached the woman, however, I’m not so sure it would have mattered.

As I watched the young woman exit the store, get in her car and disappear from the parking lot her image stays with me. Sitting in the quietness of my writing corner my mind drifts back to her and wonder just how often we (me included) judge someone based on appearance alone. How often do we exclude someone because of their outward appearance? How often do we pass someone by just because they look different? How often do we see someone we deem different and stare, gossip and judge? If we were all honest we would admit that we do it.

Sitting in church on Sunday morning my pastor spoke of exclusion; leaving others out because they are different. He noted that quite often in various denominations/faiths children are excluded from taking Holy Communion, however the idea is that people are excluded from many things due to their being different. How do we determine if someone is different? Who makes the rules on what is different and what is deemed worthy for exclusion? When my own daughter came out as gay I admit that I didn’t handle it well. It’s no secret that I was initially worried about what others would think; what would society, my world, think about me as a parent or her as a person. After several years of struggle, soul searching and realizing that sexuality doesn’t make a person more important that another we continue to experience exclusion, stares and comments.

I believe that the root cause of bias and judgment is fear. As humans we allow fear to control our actions on a regular basis. By turning our own insecurities into a strategy to boost our own ego or re-direct attention to our shortcomings we judge others and exclude them. We believe that it will make us feel better about ourselves. In reality we are only perpetuating the problem by ignoring our faults. It doesn’t mean that we no longer have specific preferences or ideas when we become aware of the nature of our judgments, in fact we may still notice that certain types of behavior seem unappealing to us and that’s okay. However treating others negatively because of what we deem as unappealing is I believe unacceptable.

When we are able to work through our fears and have the right understanding, discernment rather than judgment kicks in and causes us to feel compassion for others, even if we are not overly enthusiastic about their behavior. Asking ourselves how we would feel if we were the ones being judged is a great way to monitor our behavior toward others. As a preschool teacher I often ask my students how they would feel if someone treated them in the manner they are treating others. Quite often their answer is simple; “I’d feel bad”. I encourage them to treat others like they want to be treated; a lesson we can all learn.

This week and beyond I encourage you to be mindful of others and rather than finding delight in your own ego and judgment of others, let your reactions and judgments help you obtain a greater self-understanding which will bring about greater happiness and prosperity. Think of it as a mirror. When you use your own judgment to reflect your own mind and heart you will (hopefully) see that everyone is a valuable gift; each person you meet has the potential to teach you a lesson, brighten your day and be a blessing. When we stop judging others we allow ourselves to become more self-aware and more accepting of our own shortcomings.

American author and motivational speaker wrote “When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.” Be mindful. Be kind. Be compassionate. Be well.

Peace,
Karla

I think we all need a touch point a place we can go to be inspired. Karla is my children’s teacher, a good friend, and a person with a heart of gold. I hope that her words will inspire you to do more. We are only as good as the people we surround ourselves with. It is important to listen with your heart and proceed with your eyes open. Enjoy!

Read more Karla’s Korner, also please visit Karla’s Lifetime Moms page and read her articles.

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